Destructive Compliments

He’ll take care of you, I know it, he will do a better job. Maybe, but not what you deserve.

I’ve spent the last few years watching myself unravel a little bit more as the days, weeks, and months pass by. The last few months, I think I’ve been getting closer to the end. I’ve been feeling my grip on things starting to slip. And my will to fight it, draining. I’m not sure what is next.

Im not long for this world.

I’ve been running a lot lately, training for a race. I feel like ‘run fatboy, run’ except I’m in Philly, not in London…and it’s a 5k, not a marathon…and the girl I love dearly won’t realize she loves me, leave her douchebag boyfriend, and come with me…I’ll just be leaving alone…….. But other than that, total feels like the movie

After an amazing night out, with some great food, a great show at a crazy bar, and just laughing our asses off all night long, I can’t help but feel depressed; depressed as I watch through the smoke of the days last cigarette, your taillights drift away, taking you home to the arms of someone else. A part of my dies a little more every time. I don’t blame you or hate you for it, only myself; for never have been good enough or what you deserved, though I always tried. I hold our friendship dearly, And you have always meant the world to me. You’ve been the only person to bring me some bit of joy and happiness into my miserable existence in a very long time.